So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
