best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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