Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
