Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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