We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
