Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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