i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just pee around me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
