well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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