What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
