My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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