They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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