Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
