he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
