Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
