Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
