He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A+ Viking dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
