you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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