Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
