I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
