you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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