if you like me you must not know who I am
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
