i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
