I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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