We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
