I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
