I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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