And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
