tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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