I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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