You really coming over, don't trick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
