Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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