Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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