C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize