okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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