Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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