Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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