It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
