I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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