Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
