He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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