don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
