I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
