No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
