I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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