a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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