I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
