is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
