then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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