did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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