so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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