I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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