I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
