Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
