your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
