The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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