Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
