is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
