So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
