Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I did not marry a roomba.
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