3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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