Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
