so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
