EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
