I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
