im drinking this country out of the recession.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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