i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
