I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
