Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
