So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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