we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
